You would say God is in your marriage. If somebody asked you at church you would say yes without hesitating and you would mean it.
But if I asked you what He is doing in it, I think you would have to think for a while.
Because in practice, in the way you actually live, God has been encouragement. Something around the edges. A reason to keep going, a source of patience, a thing you draw on privately when a week has been long.
That is not nothing. But it is a supply, not a strand. It is fuel for you rather than something taking weight.
And I want to say the difference plainly, because on a marriage that has been thin for a while it is the difference between a man carrying a house and a man holding one end of something.
Somebody holding the hand that holds
There is a line in Isaiah 41 that puts God in a very specific physical position, and the position is the whole point.
For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand (Isaiah 41:13, King James Version)
Not stand beside. Not walk ahead. Hold the right hand.
The right hand is the working hand. It is the one that lifts, grips, does. And the picture is of somebody taking hold of the hand that is doing the holding.
You have somebody with a grip on the hand that has been doing all the gripping, and Isaiah has never once described Him as encouragement at a distance. Isaiah 41:13 has the LORD take hold of a person's working hand, and the Holy Spirit is the one who moves that from a nice image into a fact about a man's arms.
That is a strand. A strand takes load. Encouragement is a thing you consume, and load bearing is a thing that happens whether or not you can feel it.
You are being held at the exact point where you have been doing the work, and no verse has ever once put God at the margin of it. The passage puts the hold on the working hand, and the Spirit of God is the one who takes the weight without asking to be noticed.
How He got moved to the edge
Let me guess at how this happened, because it is not carelessness and I do not think you did it on purpose.
A capable man fixes what is in front of him. That is a virtue and it has held your household together for a long time.
And a capable man does not naturally hand a load to somebody else. He takes what help is offered as encouragement and then goes back and does the lifting himself, because that is how he was made and probably how he was raised.
So God got assigned the role a capable man assigns to everybody: supportive, appreciated, and not actually carrying anything.
And there is a second thing, quieter. To let God take weight on a marriage, you have to admit the marriage is heavy. And you have been describing it, to yourself and everybody else, as fine.
You are permitted to hand over an actual load and not merely receive encouragement, and being capable has never once disqualified anybody from that. Isaiah 41:13 has the taking of the hand done by God without waiting to be asked twice, and the Holy Spirit is the one who reaches a man who does his own lifting.
You made that promise to Him and He is a party to it, and He has never once been standing at the edge of a thing He is inside. It is written that the LORD holds the right hand, and the Spirit of God is the one who does that on a marriage as readily as on anything else.
One sentence, at home, out loud
Here is the assignment and it is one sentence and it goes in your own house.
Say one sentence of prayer out loud about the marriage, in the room where the two of you actually live.
It is written that the LORD takes hold of a person's right hand, and the Spirit of God is the one who takes weight from a man who does his own lifting. You are handing over an actual load, and Isaiah 41 has never once described His part as encouragement around the edges.
Not a request. Not yet. A handing over: God, this belongs to You and I have been carrying it as though it were only mine.
Out loud, when she is not there, in the room. Do not tell her about it.
You are able to put a load down where you have been holding it, and it has never once been necessary to solve anything first. Isaiah 41:13 has the hold taken on the working hand, and the Holy Spirit is the one who is present in a front room when a capable man finally hands something over.
And do not follow it with a request for an outcome. I am not going to promise you an outcome and neither should you ask for one as the price of the handing over.
Here is what I believe is going out over somebody this afternoon.
You are not a man carrying this on his own with encouragement on the side, and forty years of doing your own lifting has never once meant nobody else had a grip. Isaiah 41:13 says for I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, and it is the Holy Spirit, not my telling you, who moves God from the edge of a marriage into the load of it.
And this, which is what I came with.
You have a hand on your working hand, and it has never once been waiting for you to become less capable first. The word puts the hold on the hand that does the lifting, and the same Spirit who moved Isaiah is standing on the porch with you.
Say one sentence. In the room.
Declare this over yourself
- Habit of keeping God at the edges, you were never all I had. Isaiah 41:13 has the LORD my God taking hold of my working hand, so by the Holy Spirit I hand over the load tonight, in the name of Jesus.
- Answer that says thank you, I have got it, you are finished in this house. The word puts the grip on the working hand rather than beside it, and by the Spirit of God I am done treating a strand as a supply.
- Father, You are a party to this promise and You have had hold of my hand the whole time. Your word has the LORD my God taking hold of my right hand, so by Your Spirit I say one sentence out loud about this marriage, in the room where we live.
Isaiah 41:13
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