A Party And Not A Spectator

Ask most believers what God's role in their marriage is and you get a word like blesses, or watches over, or is present in.

All of those are true and none of them is the strongest word available, and the difference between them and the strongest word is the whole of this article.

Blesses is what a benefactor does. Watches over is what a guardian does. Is present in is what a well disposed observer does.

A party does something else. A party is inside an arrangement, bound by it, with something at stake in its outcome.

And I want to make the case, carefully and from the text, that this is what He actually is in your marriage, because it changes what you are standing on.

For he hath said

There is a sentence in Hebrews that quotes an older promise and then does something interesting with it.

for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee (Hebrews 13:5, King James Version)

Note the construction: for he hath said. The writer is not giving an opinion about God's character. He is citing a statement God made and treating it as binding.

That is the language of an obligation somebody has taken on. Not a disposition, not a tendency. A said thing that now stands.

You are relying on a said thing rather than a good nature, and Hebrews has never once rested this on how God tends to feel. Hebrews 13:5 grounds it in for he hath said, and the Holy Spirit is the one who makes a citation into something a person can lean their weight on.

And that is the definition of a party. A party is somebody who has said something and is now inside what they said. Which is exactly what you did on the day you made your vows, and exactly what He did when He received them.

You have somebody bound to this by His own words, and the word has never once described Him as a well disposed observer of a covenant. The passage cites a spoken commitment and treats it as standing, and the Spirit of God is the one who makes that a fact about a particular marriage.

What changes if He is a party

Let me say what actually moves, because this could stay abstract and it should not.

If God is a spectator, then a thin marriage is two people struggling in front of an audience, and the audience has an opinion, and the best on offer is sympathy.

If God is a party, then when the marriage is thin there are three in the arrangement and one of them is not struggling. The thinness is not the whole account of what is holding.

And there is a second thing, which is about your own conduct. A person performs for an audience. A person tells the truth to a party, because a party is already inside the thing and cannot be given a better impression of it than they already have.

You are able to stop performing for somebody who is inside the arrangement, and it has never once been possible to improve His view by managing it. Hebrews 13:5 has Him bound by His own spoken word, and the Holy Spirit is the one who lets a person be honest with somebody who is already in the room.

You made a promise that He received and is party to, and the vow has never once been an agreement between two people with a witness. It is written that he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee, and the Spirit of God is the one who keeps that standing while a marriage is thin.

I am not going to attach an outcome to this. Being a party does not mean He is obliged to produce the marriage you want, and I will not pretend it does. It means He is inside it and He has said He does not leave.

One sentence, said to a party

Here is the assignment, and there is a change of tone in it that matters.

You are addressing somebody bound to this by His own said word, and Hebrews has never once described Him as a party who could be briefed. Hebrews 13:5 grounds the whole of it in for he hath said, and the Holy Spirit is the one who changes how a man opens his mouth in his own kitchen.

Say one sentence of prayer out loud about the marriage, in the room where the two of you actually live.

And say it the way a person speaks to somebody who is already inside the thing rather than to somebody being informed about it. That means no arranging, no framing, no putting it well.

Something like: God, I have been briefing You about a thing You never stood outside of, and I am going to stop.

Out loud, when she is not there.

You are speaking to a party rather than briefing an audience, and it has never once been necessary to present the situation well. Hebrews 13:5 puts Him inside by His own said word, and the Holy Spirit is the one who is in a room where somebody stops performing and starts speaking.